Unexpected Blessings

Is it true that the best blessings come in small packages? I hope so. I am pregnant again- and although it is a huge unexpected blessing- it scares me to death. I guess, like the guidance from my uncle- I just need to take some quiet time and meet God and let him do the miraculous- as right now I barely have the energy for all the "blessings" in my house as it is. I love my husband, my almost 3 year old daughter, my 6 month old son- but most of all I sometimes just miss me! I am blessed to have the family I do but selfishly I was not ready for this next blessing. I was ready to dive into work and prove I'm still a great employee after just coming OFF maternity leave to a new manager. I was ready to start losing those excess pounds that have crept up on me. I was ready to have normal eyesight, to drink caffeine or wine as I felt like it. I was ready to sleep through the night.... and here I am starting all over again. I have to say that this ceases the "discussion" between Josh and I about "if" we were going to have more children, but poor Miah- he won't get to be my baby for long. I do have to say that Josh has turned the 180 on me and now is asking questions like "So, do you think it's a boy or girl?" and "I guess this confirms we need a bigger house" and I am now the one that is reeling. My good friend Gladys told me that God has to remind me that I am not in control- even though I think I am and try to be- which I know surprises EVERYONE that knows me. I have to say that I've spent the last week trying to plan, calculate, and re-plan- and yet I end up on my knees each time as I just don't know how to work it all out. I know how I want everything to work out- but the black and white just doesn't add up yet. Looks like a good time to just sit back for awhile, enjoy my family as it is, and let God take control.

The Lord works in mysterious ways. He is continually letting me know that I am not in control, to the point of breaking me. Things I thought as important are being reduced to mere evil necessities. Items I never thought would happen are imminent. In losing myself I am finding it. And in spite of the amazing blessings that are headed our way, I am scared to death.

Confirmed. I'm going crazy!

It is confirmed. Black and white. I am going crazy. I don't think there is anything else that could happen right now that would make it crazier. I don't want to share everything that is going on right now....it would take way too long and somethings are just to private...but oh my goodness. If this all doesn't break me I will come out stronger than superwoman, minus the cape.

God help me or I will end up in the nut house.

Are there any normal people out there?

I really am starting to wonder if there are any normal people out there. Especially in the work place. Integrity, professionalism, honesty all used to mean something. Am I just becoming jaded as I have been in the same company for 5 years now and I'm "wiser" in the ways of the world? Or has my company changed due to all the layoffs? Or is it my remote employee status starting to rear it's ugly head now?

I have just seen so many backstabbing, rude, cheapskate shortcuts over the last few months that I am starting to wonder if this is where I really want to be.

I am praying that someone, somehow today will resort my faith and opinion of people I work with as this morning I have my doubts......

Crazy world, Clean kitchen

The world is a mess but my kitchen is clean. I'd say I am coming out a head on this one.

Are you serious???

2 days ago I could work from home just fine. Yesterday i called our help desk to get connected to Oracle, a program I needed and had been updated since my maternity leave. Today, I can't connect to work at all from home. I stayed home as I have bronchitis so I don't infect anyone at work and I can take it easy. Well....I'll be taking it REAL easy now as I can't work. Augh....

First day back.....

Here I sit at work on my first day back full time and I'm trying to NOT think of my baby that I left at day care. I know I'm a much better mom when I'm working. I know he is in good hands. I know I was looking forward to this time of separation and time for me, and yet....I miss him. Maybe it's because work isn't what I left. It's no longer a fun place to work, but rather just a job. People have changed. The culture here has changed. The impending doom of low orders and rumors of being sold off are hanging over our heads. The one thing that is a blessing is that I know that whatever happens God is in control. He helped me control the tears that threatened to come as I drove away from the Day care home I left my baby at. He is in control of my job and whether my company gets sold or not. He is in control. I am not. And for a type-A control freak....that is weird, but I am ok with it. Ah....back to work.....