Happy Birthday to my 1yr old Son!

Nehemiah is 1 yr old today- WOW. (notice his first shoes? Black converse...yeah baby)

His little personality is just shining through. Quiet, rarely fussy, constantly moving, and determined. So far discipline and the word NO mean nothing to him. If you give him a spanking he just sits and looks at you afterwards like "are you done? can I go back to what I was doing now?". I think we'll have our hands full.

He has his doctor appointment tomorrow- but at 9 months he was already 21 lbs and 31" long. He is a big boy that is getting harder and harder for me to carry now that Isaac seems to be just as active in the womb as Nehemiah was!

Goodbye bottles. Goodbye formula. Hello sleeping in the same room with Abby. They will share a room for about a year or so until Isaac is ~1. From there on out Nehemiah and Isaac will share a room.

This weekend is a family birthday to celebrate this little guy.

He is walking, sometimes very fast, now. Has 9 teeth. Drools constantly. Eats constantly. Does not nap (like his father at the same age) but sleeps 11.5-12 hours straight at night. Loves to bop to music and laugh with his sister. He adores Abby and she is such a wonderful big sister. I pray it will always be so. No one can make him laugh as much as she can.

Happy Birthday little guy....I love you.

5 weeks and counting

5 weeks until I'm off work- yeah:) Josh is worried I'll be bored and missing that "human interaction" and I'm not so sure. It's true the last 2 times I almost went stir crazy, but I work from home so much these days I think I'm used to it. I really enjoy the time by myself at home to get things done at my pace. I'm glad the next 5 weekends are busy too- it's exhausting but helps the time go by faster. Friends visiting, Nehemiah's 1st bday party (oh my), Easter, our 6th anniversary, the volunteer event I'm leading at work, and my replacement from China coming to stay for a week to get face to face hand off training. Whew!

Then hopefully a month of peace, sleep and relaxation before Isaac makes an appearance. I know he'll probably come early being my third and so close to my second that everything is stretched out- but I pray he comes on time or late. I really really am looking forward to that month off before he comes to "rest" up and get everything ready. But babies come when they will and I just pray he arrives safely. I also hope there is enough time for the grandparents to get here:)

Josh is worried we won't make it to the hospital on time. Nehemiah came 6 hours after the pains started, and only 4 hours after we were at the hospital, thankfully. I really have no worries about it at all- maybe I should- maybe I will the closer it gets- but I feel pretty relaxed about this one.

I have a doctor apt tomorrow. My glucose screening came out fine- stupid test. Then the last week of march/first week of April I'll have another ultrasound to look at the position of the baby, etc. yeah:) i'm still dreaming I'm having twins, although there has been no signs to comfirm this at the doctor office. So I'm looking forward to confirming, once again, it's just one little one in there;)

I'm looking forward to my 6 months off, but realize the first 3ish months will not be a "break". The closer this birth gets the further away that seems. I'm really excitted to hold this little one though and see his personality develop. Abby is our drama queen who lights up our house with songs and "let's play". Nehemiah is our quiet, easy going, stubborn little man who is quick to smile and slow to fuss. he adores abby and no one can make him laugh more than she can. Abby has curly blonde/brown hair, blue eyes and dimples...Nehemiah has brown hair with hazel/green eyes and no dimples. What will Isaac look like?

Wishful thinking? Nightmare? Or mommy intuition?

Ok so here I sit at the computer with a really achy back and crampy abdomen.

The thoughts on this range in my head....

1. OH MY it's the baby (yeah I'm done with work and can be off)
2. oh CRAP it's the baby (holy crap! It's too early for him to come. I'd be leaving work in a mess!!!)
3. Hm...I need exercise (I guess I could get up and walk around more)
4. I really should get off my butt and move around (I should start work earlier tomorrow and take time to go to the prego water aerobic class at the YMCA tomorrow)
5. Is there anyway I can weasel a massage out of Josh? He's tired because he's in the middle of CSAP testing- ICK!
6. Maybe I should take a nice long hot bath Augh. Walking all the way upstairs, filling the tub is so much work. And what if it's just uncomfortable now that I'm bigger? All that wasted water and effort for nothing.
7. Maybe I have to go to the bathroom? Seems like I always have to go these days....
8. I should try a hot pack or ice pack- which one on what part will feel the best? And can I use heat on my belly or do I need to stay away from that?
9. Maybe I just need more water- Augh then I'll be doing #7 all night long.....
10. I think I have more things to do than just sit here and think about how much my lower back and abdomen hurt. Off to play scrabble on facebook (any takers?) and put my feet up.

The Olympics, by Shamree

On our nice weekend away to San Diego (so nice we didn't want to come back) we got to watch a little of the Olympics which was a treat as we don't have TV. However, in the midst of all the accomplishments, sorrows, struggles, and victories I realized that these athletes train for years...and it's not so unlike parenthood. You devote yourself to the training, weird schedules, body sacrifices, and frustration for years. So...after careful consideration I'd like to submit the Olympics, as I'd like to see them.


Events for Babies-
1. Pacifier throwing (judged on distance and creativity)
2. Undressing (judged purely on how fast they can get everything off)
3. Kitchen disassembling (how many cabinets and drawers they can empty in 2 minutes)
4. Crib hurdling (how long it takes them to climb out of a crib)
5. Dog chasing (how long it takes to catch a dogs tail, by crawling)
6. Stair climbing (how fast they can climb up, and back down 15 stairs)

Events for Parents-
1. Changing diapers in the dark (judged on speed, thoroughness, and amount of baby crying)
2. Driving marathon- you will need to find a pacifier thrown, give a bottle, and rub a babies forehead until they fall asleep- while driving, without causing an accident.
3. kitchen clean up- how fast you can reassemble your kitchen after baby event #3 above.
4. Mule event- how many bags you can carry with your child for 1/2 mile. Judged on the total weight you can carry, and speed.
5. Bottle making- how well you can get out of bed, down the stairs, across the kitchen floor full of toys, make a bottle and get to your crying kid- in the dark. Timed trial.
6. Car clean up. How fast you can make your car presentable. Vacuuming up crumbs, cleaning sticky stuff off the windows, and removing toys and car seats so 4 adults can go out to dinner.

Combined Events-
1. Stroller pushing- how fast you can push your stroller with your child in it in a 1/2 mile race.
2. How fast you can prepare, feed, and clean up after- your child at dinner. Child must be eating finger foods.
3. bath time- how long it takes to completely bathe your child. judged on how little water is outside the tub, how little crying there is, and how little water resides on you.


So folks...if you are interested in competing please just let me know for which events. I plan to have this start, as soon as I have time to make it happen- haa haa.

I'm an egg

I have concluded that I'm an egg. I'm 3 things in one, a mother, a worker, and wife- I'm also jelly and unstable on the inside and my exterior is liable to crack easily and spill out all the goopy stuff on the inside without warning.

It's been so long since I've felt like me that I'm not sure if I even remember me, or if I'm just grabbing onto a fragment of my imagination and romanticizing it even as we have a tendency to do when we reminisce.

Will I ever be rational again? Will I ever go more than 2 days without crying? Will I ever sleep more than 2 hours at a time, or more than 6 hours at night? I know that I'm a mom, and soon to be a mom of 3 but are any of these requests unreasonable?

If one more person tells me to treasure these days I think I'll vomit. And that is easy to do in this third pregnancy still- trust me. There are precious moments yes....agreed. But most days I'm too tired to even take notice....

The houses I stare at

Who lives in the houses I stare at daily from my kitchen/dining room window? Are they having a good day? Are their kids scrambling to get ready to go to school? Are they changing diapers like us? Are they married, divorced, single, together? Would they be good friends? Do they like to play cards?

I live in this small community with no community feel. Something seems so terribly wrong with that. I hate not knowing my neighbors on my street, let alone the people whose backyards I see so clearly every morning, lunch and dinner. (and all the snack times I'm in the kitchen). It's like I want to put up a big sign on my back deck "Hi! Good morning! How are you? Have a great day!" Or something. Wouldn't that be funny? I wonder if anyone would respond in kind or just think I'm plain nuts.

We have a flood/creek area behind us with a walking trail so the houses I stare at are ~300 yards away (??) but still...I can see them and they see me. There has to be some neat kindred souls over there that would be great friends. If nothing else I am sure there are people over there that could use my prayers.

How has life gotten so big that we don't even know our own community anymore? It makes me sad and I feel as though I am missing out on something so basic and so vital to my core. Am I the only one?

Depression again??

So yesterday was a really weird emotional day. Nothing prompted it. Nothing bad happened. It was a regular Tuesday- but by the time I picked up my baby and came home I was a mess. I had no motivation to do anything but lay on the couch or cry. My post partum depression lasted 2 months while weaning Abby, and 2 months while weaning Nehemiah- it's been almost 2 months since I've been on anti-depressants and haven't needed them. Then yesterday hit like a brick wall- what the heck? I spent last night as an insomniac- crying and cannot for the life of me find the reason that my brain desperately wants. Josh said "honey, you're pregnant". Helpful, but not a reason for the flood of tears and helplessness I felt last night. It was possibly one of the worst depression nights I've felt in a long time. No suicidal thoughts at all, just udder helplessness- with nothing really wrong.

I was hesitant to even post this or share it for fear of many things:

1. My brother in law and sister read this periodically. they haven't talked to me in almost 4 years. My first thought is they read this to spy on me and take joy when I'm suffering and laugh when things are hard b/c I think they must hate me. Then I thought- that must be silly. They wouldn't take joy in my suffering would they? It's hard to know since they walked away from our family and apparently don't miss us. I don't understand that. I may never understand that as my family is my rock and core of who I am. Yes we fight, but I can't imagine walking away from them and not celebrating birthdays and holidays- or having my kids know their aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. That is irreplaceable. And I guess if they want their updates from my blog and not from me in person- then so be it. I have nothing to hide. This is my space.
2. I don't want people all worried about me depressed and pregnant. Yes it sucked last night and so far today. No I'm not suicidal. Yes I'm calling my doctor to see if I need to get on anti-depressants again (HUGE SIGH). Yes I need prayers. No there is nothing else I need right now- thank you all though.
3. It's hard to write about this b/c it feels like a weakness. For me this is especially that is hard. Everything is always fine. Don't let anyone see your emotions. You can handle everything yourself. It's not that bad. etc etc etc....screw it. I am having a hard time right now and I could care less who knows about it (hence #1) but maybe it will get me more prayers and understanding if I'm acting wacko.
4. I hate having to depend on medication to be ok. I want to scream- THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME- but the uncontrollable tears and thoughts of falling deeper and deeper into a black hole with only my snoring husbands hand as a life line to the land of "normal" have convinced me otherwise. I HATE taking medication. Vitamins ok. But anti-depressants??? AUGH.... and yes I know I'm broadcasting this to everyone. I guess being "sane" for the sake of my children and husband are more important to me than trying to "handle everything" or just "trying to pull myself out of it".
5. Last night Abby came to say goodnight to me. (this broke my heart) I was in the bathtub taking a hot bath to calm down. With tears streaming down my face I look up and see her. Quickly I tried to control my tears. She says "Mommy, I'm so sorry you are tired. I love you." then as she walks away she turns and says "I hope your bath makes you feel better".
6. For that. I'll call my doctor and take the meds.