Monday, March 14, 2011

Where do I fit in??

I'm starting to really believe the phrase "When they made you they broke the mold"

It just seems that I never really fit in anywhere. Other people seem to have hit their stride, or be where God has called them, or in a family to which they love and loves them-- and I feel like I'm always pushing my way into people's lives. I'm always the one calling. I'm always the one giving. I'm always the one saying "HEY...I'm here... want to hand out...I'll do anything for you to like me a little!".

Why is that? Anyone that knows me will tell you I DO NOT have a self confidence issue. I love to help people when they are down. I'm organized. and seems like I was made for something and I just haven't found it yet.

I can't be involved with ANYTHING for more than 5 minutes before I have the urge to jump in and lead it. I can't help it. It's apart of my DNA. I have learned to fight the urge to jump in and start volunteering to help, or lead everything I can-- but the urge is still there, under the surface lurking.

In a personality test it said I'm a "Motivating Director"-- ok Lord. You made me this way. Where the heck do you want to use me? Am I doing what you wanted me to do? Am I supposed to have this job such that I can afford to support the missionaries doing your work?

I think I'd LOVE to be a wedding coordinator, similar to Jenifer Lopez in "The wedding planner" aside from the single looking for a guy. But then I have children and weekend/summer work wouldn't be the best for my family life. And how the heck do you start off learning to do this so you can do it well??? You'd probably have to be in a big city is my guess like New York...

Ok Lord. Why don't I seem to fit in? Where is it you want me to be so I feel like I fit????

Friday, March 11, 2011

it's hard

Yes I am typing in poop brown. today was a poopy day. I've had kind of a poopy week. Sick off and on. Migraines. And really so far off 2 of my 3 goals for 2011 I feel like giving up and hoping for 2012- and yes, it's only March. I feel like I just want to go on a cruise or a 7 day get away with my husband- but then- that goes against goal #2, pay off debt from being pregnant for 2 years and not working full time for awhile. It probably also goes against goal #3 of losing 40 lbs this year too. That is just in the tanker right now. I feel like an addict that has fallen off the wagon, knows they need to get back on, and really can't find the way. I really just need another woman who needs to lose weight to come along side me so we can encourage each other. No offense to my skinny friends, but this is one you can't help on even though many of you have been here and are on "the other side".

Oh Lord give me strength. Give my kids sleep, and me so I have the strength and energy to do what I need to.