Tuesday, October 20, 2009
This pregnancy still doesn't seem real to me, aside from the fact that I am so tired and Josh is having to do almost everything around here. I still can't believe I have another little life form inside me- and that their heart is formed. Their teeth are formed. And they are 1 inch "tall" now. I will love this baby. I'm excited Abigail and Nehemiah will have another sibling. But I'm still not ready. I have 6 1/2 more months to "get ready" I guess. It makes me feel guilty that I'm not anxiously awaiting this little one like the last 2. Especially with all the people I know who are trying to have a baby, or can't have children. That makes me feel even worse. Maybe I have so much going on right now with buying a house my mind is elsewhere. Maybe once we set up the crib and baby room it will be more real. Maybe when I feel those first little kicks inside me. Oh I pray it's so. This child is a blessing- but oh so unexpected.
Monday, October 19, 2009
I saw 10 deer between our house and dropping off Nehemiah this morning. It made me sad. I doubt I'll see so many deer in our new neighborhood as it's much further from the mountains. Then I drove by Ute valley park, the open forest area, and the playground that are all so close to our house, and I started to tear up. Granted- I'm pregnant. But this is the first house we've lived in where we love our neighbors, and neighborhood, and both are so close to work. I'm really going to miss that so much. I'm not looking forward to a 20+ minute commute (which I know is average for most people) and getting to know new neighbors who may or may not be nice. Our landlord also posted a "for rent" sign in our front yard- ouch! Every time we come or go it's staring at us and reminds us of our upcoming move. I'm very very excited about our new house...but for today...I'm really really sad we'll be moving.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
It's just another night here in the Howard household. Nehemiah is asleep peacefully in his crib. Josh is reading Abby her "5" books before bed. And I'm anxiously awaiting my "friends" on FB to play their next word on scrabble so I can play again. I'm addicted. I usually have about 15 games going at any one time to keep busy. Tonight, I'm keeping busy to ignore the sticky table with syrup on it from this mornings breakfast, and the crumbs on the floor from dinner, and the laundry waiting to be folded, and the toys not picked up, and the shoes that need to be polished, and the fridge that needs to be emptied out of yogurt long since expired. Yes tonight I'm just sitting here- loving life, but not my messy house.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Well it finally hit. In weaning my son the post-partum depression hit me. Yuck. It happened last time with Abby when I weaned her too- at least we knew what to look for this time and I'm on medication- safe for the new baby- to help me out. It sucks having to take it, but at least it should help my mood and overwhelmed feelings. yes there is a lot to do right now, but we'll get through. My husband is amazing. He has been a pillar of support with this whirlwind of a third pregnancy so far- I'm so blessed. Ok. Back to work. Focus Shamree. Focus!
Monday, October 5, 2009
Tonight is just a hard night. I am so tired I can't do anything. I can't focus at work. I'm not a good mother. I'm not a good wife. I don't even take care of my self like I should. I just have no desire to do anything but sit around and watch movies. And those bring little pleasure with all the crap out there these days- let me tell you. For someone without TV I get appalled at what they call PG-13 these days. Anyways, that is off the subject. I am pretty sure this phase of the pregnancy will end, or at least get better in 5 ish more weeks when I enter my second trimester. But today. Getting to tomorrow seems hard. I feel so guiltily about everything right now. Guilty that I'm not a good worker, that I'm not being a good mom to the 2 kids that need me and to the 1 kid to come. Guilty that my husband has to do everything around here when he needs support from a rough day too and I have nothing to give him. Guilty that all I want to do is crawl into a hole and not come out. Again- I am so tired. Maybe a good night sleep will make everything look better in the morning- because right now- it's pretty dark.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
- Green apples with sharp cheddar cheese or salt
- Spicy Chinese food
- Spicy wings with ranch dressing
- Banana cream pie
- Mochas with peppermint
- Peppermint tea with milk
- Peppermint chocolate Luna bars
- Bagel, sausage, egg, cheese sandwich- especially from Einstein bagel
- Banana bread (haven't satisfied this one yet. Tried to and forgot the frozen bananas overnight so thus had to throw them away *sigh*)
- Anything by power of suggestion. Mention 1 thing 1 time, and I'm all over it :)
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Once again it's a Saturday night- and once again I am ready for bed at 8:01pm. Most people are finishing up dinner, getting ready to go out or watch a really cool movie- and I'm ready for my bed. I miss the days of going out with my girlfriends and dancing. I miss calling up a friend and saying- "hey, want some ice cream?". I miss the days of being able to stay awake into the double digits of the evening, and even possibly the single digits again. Where did the time go? Will I ever feel the excitement about Saturday nights again and all the possibilities it can hold for fun? *sigh* Not tonight. I'm off to bed. Have fun everyone. Drink a drink for me and dance a dance for me- and stay out just 10 minutes longer, because you can:)
Friday, October 2, 2009
Attempt #1: D-CON traps that worked last year for us have proven to be useless. And yes, that is mice poop ALL AROUND the trap.
Attempt #2: Electric shock traps. Caught 1 mouse, but alas...the rest of the family is smart.
Attempt #3: Sticky traps with cereal on them....
Attempt # 4: Peanut butter on a can, on a stick, on a bucket, full of water.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Here is the ultrasound of our new little one to join us sometime around May 23rd, 2010. The little dark spot above the baby sac is a blood clot- at first the doctor said it was TWINS- but then got a second opinion. We aren't sure if the blood clot will be an issue or not- so we need prayers. She said it will either pop and I'll start spotting, which could cause a miscarriage (but isn't likely as it hasn't happened yet) or it will just stretch as the baby's sack stretches and come out after birth.
Either way, we saw the baby's heart beating and he/she is only 1/4 of an inch big! How amazing! Our next appointment is at the end of October.
What to do? My doctors tell me to wean my 6 month old. My tired body tells me to wean. My soul wants to nurse him as long as possible for the benefits to him, but not at the expense of the new little life forming inside me. What to do? La leche group says it's fine, many nurses say it's fine, but my doctors advice is hard to ignore. Maybe it's the mothers guilt of not taking care of my baby in my arms because of the baby in my belly. Maybe it feels like he is already getting kicked out of the "baby" of the family because of this new member that won't make an appearance for 7+ months yet. I have no idea what to do. I know what my soul wants to do and it's fighting against my head. Talk about a headache..... oh what to do????