Tuesday, December 20, 2011


Christmas is here! What a wondrous time of year. I love how people go out of their way to give, take time with their families, and can't wait to surprise someone they found the perfect gift for. Of course I love shopping, and baking, and the smell of pine trees. Ahhh Christmas.

I think this is the first Christmas in a few years that I will be able to enjoy. My baby is 18 months and a walking toddler. I am not pregnant. I didn't just change jobs. We didn't just move. And I do not have a baby! Wahoo...

I've baked several batches of cookies, volunteered at a Christmas party at a nursing home, 1/2 way decorated my house, baked 3 batches of apple butter, have already gone sledding, bought all my gifts, and wrapped everything.

Plus, my kids are so excited this year. Abby remembers Christmas. Nehemiah loves opening presents and has the best "ohhhhh" when opening gifts, and Josiah---- well, he's old enough to not eat the tissue paper. It's the small things.

And last but not least we will be home for Christmas eve and Christmas morning in our own house. I am so excited I almost needed to change my pants! I can't wait for Christmas this year.

Yeah for Christmastime and the reason for the season:)

Monday, September 19, 2011

Welcome Fall

Fall is upon us already and it's not yet the end of September. My daughter needs to wear tights. I need my scarf and jacket. Leaves are turning--- ahhh I love fall. It is my favorite time of year. I 'm not sure if it is because of my birthday is in this season, or because I'm not overly fond of being hot. I like summer sun and fun, but give me cold anytime over being hot. I think wearing jeans, short sleeve shirts with a long sleeve one tied around my waist and comfy tennis shoes is my favorite outfit--- hence I love fall.

It signifies change and time for being indoors with warm blankets and loved ones. Baking and cooking yummy soups (not that I am a soup lover mind you) and sweets.

It also used to mean back to school. I love school. I am a nerd- no surprise. I miss going to school, ok not the cost, but the classes and learning.

Now my daughter is in school and it's me being the mom arranging play dates, PTO events, and packing lunches. When did I get so old??? I would happily just pack my lunch and go to school and play at recess and do art projects right along with her. Alas, it's her time now and I'm the school bus.

How time flies.....

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Something has got to give

You ever have one of those weeks, months?, where something has just got to give. Things can't keep going like this. Nothing is horribly wrong, but nothing is awesomely good either. It's life. There are amazingly good things like my son running up to me, randomly, and saying "momma, I love you" or my baby waking up from a nap and saying "hi!" like it's the best day of his life. Poor little guy got yelled at earlier for no reason except that momma was tired. Thank God they don't have many memories before the age of 4. I just need to outweigh the good stuff from the bad, like yelling at them. We had a blast today playing outside with water, and swings, and mud for hours. I loved watching them play in the yard each of them with a different agenda. Sometimes they played together, and sometimes not. I feel like our yard is small, but for them it's huge and it's fun! I'm still not sure how I can keep going on and on and on and on without a break soon. A real break. No work. No kids. No housework. Time to sleep and craft and create. Notice sleep came first;) Ah if only it was that easy. Oh yeah, and hitting the lotto would help too.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Where do I fit in??

I'm starting to really believe the phrase "When they made you they broke the mold"

It just seems that I never really fit in anywhere. Other people seem to have hit their stride, or be where God has called them, or in a family to which they love and loves them-- and I feel like I'm always pushing my way into people's lives. I'm always the one calling. I'm always the one giving. I'm always the one saying "HEY...I'm here... want to hand out...I'll do anything for you to like me a little!".

Why is that? Anyone that knows me will tell you I DO NOT have a self confidence issue. I love to help people when they are down. I'm organized. and yet...it seems like I was made for something and I just haven't found it yet.

I can't be involved with ANYTHING for more than 5 minutes before I have the urge to jump in and lead it. I can't help it. It's apart of my DNA. I have learned to fight the urge to jump in and start volunteering to help, or lead everything I can-- but the urge is still there, under the surface lurking.

In a personality test it said I'm a "Motivating Director"-- ok Lord. You made me this way. Where the heck do you want to use me? Am I doing what you wanted me to do? Am I supposed to have this job such that I can afford to support the missionaries doing your work?

I think I'd LOVE to be a wedding coordinator, similar to Jenifer Lopez in "The wedding planner" aside from the single looking for a guy. But then I have children and weekend/summer work wouldn't be the best for my family life. And how the heck do you start off learning to do this so you can do it well??? You'd probably have to be in a big city is my guess like New York...

Ok Lord. Why don't I seem to fit in? Where is it you want me to be so I feel like I fit????

Friday, March 11, 2011

it's hard

Yes I am typing in poop brown. today was a poopy day. I've had kind of a poopy week. Sick off and on. Migraines. And really so far off 2 of my 3 goals for 2011 I feel like giving up and hoping for 2012- and yes, it's only March. I feel like I just want to go on a cruise or a 7 day get away with my husband- but then- that goes against goal #2, pay off debt from being pregnant for 2 years and not working full time for awhile. It probably also goes against goal #3 of losing 40 lbs this year too. That is just in the tanker right now. I feel like an addict that has fallen off the wagon, knows they need to get back on, and really can't find the way. I really just need another woman who needs to lose weight to come along side me so we can encourage each other. No offense to my skinny friends, but this is one you can't help on even though many of you have been here and are on "the other side".

Oh Lord give me strength. Give my kids sleep, and me so I have the strength and energy to do what I need to.

Friday, February 4, 2011

It's been awhile

...since I posted last on here. I can't say that I have anything profound to say except that I continually struggle with time management. It never seems there is enough time in the day no matter how I split, re-prioritize, and multi-task. I'm an engineer and the math just doesn't add up.

Ideal amount of time needed for each activity in my day:
1 hr = devotional
1 hr = wake up, getting ready, showered, dressed, make- up, coffee
8 hours = sleep
3 hr = prep/eating/clean up after my messy kids
8 hr = work
1 hr = commute
1 hr = work out, shower
4 hrs = be with kiddos, playing, getting dressed, time outs, bath, fighting over brushing teeth, reading books, cuddling, etc
1 hr = house hold chores
1 hr = downtime before bed, getting ready for bed
1 hr = time it takes for me to fall asleep, if I'm lucky

Grand total: 30 hours

Now I can tell you what in my day doesn't get the time it needs...
1 hr = devotional
1 hr = wake up, getting ready, showered, dressed, make- up, coffee
8 hours = sleep

1 hr = work out, shower

Hm...and some of these seem slightly more important. I guess that's it. I'm going to cut out showering, eating, then I can cut out working out, and 1 less hour of sleep. Ok- guess I can fit it all in.


Tuesday, January 11, 2011

“Come follow me” Jesus said “and I will make you fishers of men” Matthew 4:19

I love this story. Jesus called to them and they answered immediately- wow. There was no “but” or “what if” or “how?” or “what about that guy?”. Can you imagine the job description for this?
- Must be willing to travel 100%
- Expenses not paid, must work for free
- You will be persecuted
- Accomplish tasks with no questions asked, even if they do not make sense
- Serve others whole heartedly
- Sleep and food optional
And they did without question or hesitation. How many times in my life has God tried to call to me or recruit me for a job and I either haven’t been listening, or didn’t answer, or just put up too much resistance. How can I obey and follow in my current job? Maybe this is what God has called me to and I need to serve him in what I am doing. When the apostles agreed to follow Christ they accepted the call on His terms, not theirs. Isn’t that how it is with most jobs? On your bosses terms? Where is God calling me to serve and follow him today? How can I be in tune and listen especially since I’m not a good listener. I’m horrible actually at only listening enough so I can formulate a response in my head before they finish speaking. I interrupt. I talk over people. I talk too much. I need to learn to listen. Really listen. To others. To God. This means I have to take time with people and not rush through them. I need to learn to be comfortable in silence and listen intently. This is how I felt when I was in France- I spent so much time listening and trying to understand that I had little time to respond. I had to listen, look, and just soak in everything around me to hear and understand what people where saying. That is how I want to listen to people- that is how I need to learn to listen to God.