Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Tired once again

yes yes, I am tired once again. The pregnancy dead-in-your-tracks tiredness is upon me, and with a nursing 6 month old and energetic almost 3 yr old, I think it's worse this time around than the first two. People say have kids while you are young, but geez- do you know how old I feel? I'm tired all the time and can barely wait to put my kids to sleep by 7:30 so I can crawl into bed too. Thus, if you call us after 8pm we won't answer b/c we are asleep- or at least I am and and Josh is probably reading.

On top of it all, my dear baby Nehemiah is going through teething and separation anxiety. So when we leave him at night, he falls asleep beautifully, but if he wakes up at night he screams until he gets mommy or daddy in the room. Then when we tiptoe out, thinking he's asleep, he screams again. Plus he wakes up in pain when his Tylenol runs out- poor little guy. I guess I feel the most guilty as he won't be my baby for long as we'll have another baby when he is just over a year.

Not sure if I want a little boy so they can share rooms, and be really close- or a little girl since I just had a little boy. But then he'd be tortured with and older and younger sister:) Actually either is fine with me as long as they are healthy. I pray for that daily as this new little one is developing almost without my knowing. At 6 weeks he/she is the size of a lentil bean, 1/4 of an inch. Their heart is beating 100-140 times a minute which is twice the times mine does- wow. how amazing? Their little heart is already going strong. Bless you little one. Bless you.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Unexpected Blessings- take 2

I still can't believe that I'm pregnant again. I keep asking myself "How couldn't you know???" and then I realize that I have a 6 month old and many of the "signs" are the same as just coming off pregnancy. I think we are due the end of May, but the doctor will help confirm that on Tuesday. At least my kids will be born in different years right? Let's just pray it's not twins!!! Ok I am off to bed now and I pray I don't dream of twins....

Unexpected Blessings

Is it true that the best blessings come in small packages? I hope so. I am pregnant again- and although it is a huge unexpected blessing- it scares me to death. I guess, like the guidance from my uncle- I just need to take some quiet time and meet God and let him do the miraculous- as right now I barely have the energy for all the "blessings" in my house as it is. I love my husband, my almost 3 year old daughter, my 6 month old son- but most of all I sometimes just miss me! I am blessed to have the family I do but selfishly I was not ready for this next blessing. I was ready to dive into work and prove I'm still a great employee after just coming OFF maternity leave to a new manager. I was ready to start losing those excess pounds that have crept up on me. I was ready to have normal eyesight, to drink caffeine or wine as I felt like it. I was ready to sleep through the night.... and here I am starting all over again. I have to say that this ceases the "discussion" between Josh and I about "if" we were going to have more children, but poor Miah- he won't get to be my baby for long. I do have to say that Josh has turned the 180 on me and now is asking questions like "So, do you think it's a boy or girl?" and "I guess this confirms we need a bigger house" and I am now the one that is reeling. My good friend Gladys told me that God has to remind me that I am not in control- even though I think I am and try to be- which I know surprises EVERYONE that knows me. I have to say that I've spent the last week trying to plan, calculate, and re-plan- and yet I end up on my knees each time as I just don't know how to work it all out. I know how I want everything to work out- but the black and white just doesn't add up yet. Looks like a good time to just sit back for awhile, enjoy my family as it is, and let God take control.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

The Lord works in mysterious ways. He is continually letting me know that I am not in control, to the point of breaking me. Things I thought as important are being reduced to mere evil necessities. Items I never thought would happen are imminent. In losing myself I am finding it. And in spite of the amazing blessings that are headed our way, I am scared to death.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Confirmed. I'm going crazy!

It is confirmed. Black and white. I am going crazy. I don't think there is anything else that could happen right now that would make it crazier. I don't want to share everything that is going on right now....it would take way too long and somethings are just to private...but oh my goodness. If this all doesn't break me I will come out stronger than superwoman, minus the cape.

God help me or I will end up in the nut house.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Are there any normal people out there?

I really am starting to wonder if there are any normal people out there. Especially in the work place. Integrity, professionalism, honesty all used to mean something. Am I just becoming jaded as I have been in the same company for 5 years now and I'm "wiser" in the ways of the world? Or has my company changed due to all the layoffs? Or is it my remote employee status starting to rear it's ugly head now?

I have just seen so many backstabbing, rude, cheapskate shortcuts over the last few months that I am starting to wonder if this is where I really want to be.

I am praying that someone, somehow today will resort my faith and opinion of people I work with as this morning I have my doubts......

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Crazy world, Clean kitchen

The world is a mess but my kitchen is clean. I'd say I am coming out a head on this one.